


An End To All Things

by Moonlitdarksword



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Headcanon, Multi, Possible Alternate Ending, Story Predictions, there's no way in hell it's actually gonna go down like this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-22
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2018-01-09 13:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1146728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonlitdarksword/pseuds/Moonlitdarksword
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short time ago, John Egbert had been given the power to make miracles, though he has not an inkling as to the danger he has brought upon himself and his friends. In a world of cruel fates and inevitable failures, can John use this power to bring hope to both humanity and troll-kind alike, or will he end up dooming them to oblivion?</p><p>With the end over the horizon, the adventure could end in a myriad of ways. This is one of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

====> Caliborn: Begin Homosuck Chapter 3

NOW BEGINS CHAPTER. ACT. SCENE...  


YOU KNOW WHAT? WHO GIVES A FUCK?  


HOMOSUCK WHATEVER-THE-FUCK 3 BEGINS NOW!  


WE WILL NOW LEAVE THE ALPHA MALE AND HIS WOMEN. BECAUSE THEY ARE PATHETIC HUMANS. INSTEAD. WE WILL FOLLOW ANOTHER MALE. OF ANOTHER. SUPERIOR SPECIES.  


==> SUPERIOR SPECIES?  


A YOUNG MALE TROLL STANDS IN HIS ROOM. YES! YOU FUCKING HEARD ME. A FUCKING TROLL.  


YES! THIS IS WHAT YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR. EVERYTHING INVOLVING THE HUMAN MALES IS NOW COMPLETELY POINTLESS. WHY DIDN’T I BEGIN HERE? YOU MAY ASK. DON’T YOU KNOW THAT I AM ACTIVELY TRYING TO WASTE AS MUCH OF YOUR TIME AS POSSIBLE? SO FEEL FREE TO START HERE WHEN YOU READ HOMOSUCK AGAIN. WHEN YOU TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT THIS COMIC. TELL THEM TO START HERE.  


YOU. THE MALE. ARE A TROLL. TROLLS ARE BASICALLY THE MOST BADASS RACE EVER. SUPERIOR IN EVERY WAY TO THOSE HUMANS. BUT NOT AS GOOD AS CHERUBS THOUGH.  


IN FACT. THE ONLY BAD THINGS ABOUT TROLLS ARE THEIR RIDICULOUS NAMES FOR THINGS THAT ALREADY HAVE NAMES. SERIOUSLY. RESPITE BLOCK? IT’S A FUCKING BEDROOM! AND THE LESS YOU KNOW ABOUT THEIR IDIOTIC ROMANTIC SYSTEM. THE BETTER.  


==> BUT I DIGRESS.  


THE TROLL MALE. WHO LOOKS LIKE A CLOWN BY THE WAY. PROCEEDS TO MEANDER AROUND ACCOMPLISHING NOTHING. MUCH LIKE THE FIRST HUMAN MALE. WHO IS DEAD. JUST TO REMIND YOU.  


SKIPPING AHEAD SEVERAL UNINTERESTING INCONSEQUENTIAL PAGES. YOU HAVE GATHERED ALL OF THE TROLLS. THEY HAVE THEIR OWN UNIQUE PERSONALITIES. BUT SERIOUSLY. WHO GIVES A SHIT?  


THE CLOWN TROLL IS THE ONLY ONE WHO REALLY MATTERS. AS VULGAR AND RUDE AS HE IS. HE GETS SHIT DONE. CULLING THE WEAK. AND SMOTHERING ME WITH THE VENERATION I DESERVE. TRULY CLOWN TROLL IS BEST TROLL.  


oh no you don’t!  


====> Caliborn: Observe

There he is again. A flash of blue obscures your screen for a moment, and once again, you see him. The human, dressed in a blue garb that you guess is God Tier, stands out on your computer screen, as he looks like shit compared to your amazing artwork. He’s floating just above the roof of a troll’s hive; whose hive, exactly, you don’t care. You raise an eyebrow at the screen. The massive pile of dudes you buried him under should have put an end to him, but this little pest has proven just as resilient as ever. Fascinated, you magnify the screen a bit in order to get a good look at him. He doesn’t seem pleased, as is the common reaction of those who do not comprehend your brilliance. Just as soon as you do that, you see him and swat his arm to the side in a chopping motion. Then, a blue gust of wind bursts outwards, knocking all of the trolls haphazardly off the roof, except for the clown troll, who stays where he is momentarily, before his head falls from his shoulders.

Now you are annoyed. You had no idea that he could tamper with your project to this extent, and you are not about to let him destroy your creation anymore. Thinking quickly, you open your Jeerjoke client, which by the way, is much better than your sister’s Cheerchat. You look through the list of chumps you can jeer, looking for anyone new in range. The other human jokers are either not responding or out of range, and you aren’t about to waste your time trolling your sister because she’s dead. Only one name seems to be online and in range: ectoBiologist. You send this new name a message, awaiting a response. The ghostly human on your screen seems to pause, tap a button on the side of his spectacles, and you receive a jeer in return. Got him.

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering ectoBiologist [EB].

uu: YOU THERE.  
uu: BLUE GHOSTY BOY.  
uu: STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING.  
EB: stop what?  
uu: THE WINDY THING.  
uu: STOP USING IT TO DESTROY MY STORY.  
EB: story?  
EB: wow, what a fucking joke.  
uu: JOKE?  
uu: THE ONLY JOKE HERE.  
uu: IS THE FACT THAT YOU EXIST.  
uu: NOW STOP FUCKING AROUND.  
uu: WITH THE SHEER BRILLIANCE.  
uu: THAT IS HOMOSUCK.  
EB: ahahaha.  
EB: wow.  
EB: you really are full of yourself, aren’t you?  
EB: forgive me if i can’t see your brilliance in the sheer sea of WRONG i’m drowning in.  
EB: your anatomy and scale are wrong.  
EB: your portrayal of women is wrong.  
EB: your treatment of everything we’ve been through, and everything we’ve suffered and sacrificed for is wrong.  
EB: EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS FARCE IS WRONG!  
uu: YOU TRULY HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU’RE SPEAKING TO.  
uu: DO YOU?  
EB: can't say i do.  
EB: nor do i really care.  
uu: ALLOW ME TO ENLIGHTEN YOU.  
uu: I AM CALIBORN.  
uu: LORD OF TIME.  
uu: THE CHOSEN OF YALDABOATH.  
EB: oh?  
EB: i think i have heard of you.  
EB: aren’t you calliope’s brother?  
uu: BAH!  
uu: DO NOT MENTION THAT NAME IN MY PRESENCE!  
uu: BUT IF YOU KNOW THAT MUCH.  
uu: THEN YOU OUGHT TO FEAR ME.  
uu: FOR YOU STAND IN THE PRESENCE OF A GOD.  
EB: not really that big a deal.  
EB: since i’m a god too.  
uu: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!  
uu: I AM THE HIGHEST FORM OF LIFE.  
uu: FAR BEYOND YOUR SHITTY HUMAN IMAGINATION.  
uu: I AM A SAVIOUR AND A DESTROYER.  
uu: IF YOU DO NOT FEAR ME.  
uu: YOU WILL LEARN TO IMMINENTLY.  
EB: eehhh...  
EB: nah.  
EB: from your “brilliance”, it looks i’m dealing with some hyperactive 11 year old, not a god of destruction.  
EB: i’m honestly not impressed.  
uu: YOU ARROGANT LITTLE PRICK!  
uu: OKAY THEN.  
uu: DISREGARD WHAT I HAVE SAID ABOUT YOUR FEMALES.  
uu: THERE’S NO REASONING WITH ANY OF YOU HUMANS.  
uu: YOU’RE ALL AS FEEBLE-MINDED AS EACH OTHER!  
EB: a sexist AND a racist?  
EB: you’re a real fucking charmer, aren’t you?  
uu: SILENCE!  
uu: YOU WON’T BE INSULTING ME ANY FURTHER.  
uu: I WILL SHOW YOU WHY I OUGHT TO BE FEARED.  
uu: I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN.  
uu: AND I WILL PUT A FEW BULLETS IN YOUR JOINTS.  
uu: AND THEN.  
uu: I WILL SHOW YOU AGONY BEYOND ANYTHING YOU COULD HAVE EVER IMAGINED.  
uu: AND WHEN I BREAK YOUR SKULL OPEN.  
uu: YOU’LL BE BEGGING ME TO FINISH IT!  
EB: uh-huh.  
EB: just one problem, though.  
uu: WHAT?  
EB: how can you hunt me down...

undyingUmbrage ceased jeering ectoBiologist.

You were so engaged in that conversation that you didn’t notice that the blue ghostly boy disappeared from your screen. You were wondering where he went when you hear static crackling behind you and see a faint blue light cast shadows on the wall in front of you, followed by a voice.  
“...when i am already here?”  
You can only turn halfway when a powerful gale smashes you into the wall, and all fades to darkness.

====> Caliborn: Be John

Caliborn cannot be John, as he is unconscious. Only John can be John at this moment in time.

You are now John, and you think you’re getting the hand of this. When you picked up that weird housey thing, you began zapping to and fro to every conceivable place randomly. Now you seem to be getting some measure of control over it. During your conversation, you concentrated on his words, and felt something tugging you away from reality. You weren’t sure if you would be transported to his location, so you decided to gamble. You sent him that final message and planned on saying that phrase upon materialisation. If it failed, then the IM would leave him cryptically confused, and you’d look like a tool in front of whoever you appeared in front of. If it succeeded, you’d look uncharacteristically badass. But either way, you would escape that nightmare, and you would have teleported anyway. Now the question was where did you escape to?

The first thing you see as you look around is the KO’d form of Caliborn slumped against the wall, beneath a small crater from your wind blast. You notice a trail of crimson blood leading down from the centre of the crater to the back of his head. He won’t be getting up anytime soon. Caliborn himself matches Aranea’s description, his skeletal jade green brow still furrowed even when asleep. You see that the regal getup he’s wearing has the symbol of the Time aspect emblazoned on it, meaning that he’s God Tier. You’re glad that you were able to take him by surprise, because otherwise things would have gotten hairy. Collecting your bearings, you have a look around the room. The place looks like an oversized closet, barren of any colour or decoration. Nothing stands out aside from Caliborn’s laptop and the various safes scattered around the room, and what seems to be some sort of console on the other side.

Movement from the corner of your eye draws your attention. “oh, now that’s something i haven’t seen in a long time,” you find yourself saying. You see a rabbit staring you down, or at least a mechanical one, and it reminds of your old friend Liv Tyler. It’s made completely of metal, and seems almost entirely rusted over. One of its ears is damaged, exposing the circuitry underneath, and on its chest is what seems to be some sort of symbol, but it’s too faded to decipher what it could be. The most striking feature about the guy is his eyes, or rather the fact that they are obscured by a pair of peculiar orange-tinted sunglasses, shaped like two triangles stuck together. They’re just like the ones that Dave’s brother wore. Wait. The thought about Dave’s Bro reminds you of something. Is it possible that this little guy came from the new Session?

====> John: Investigate

“hey, little guy,” you whisper as you reach out to him. Faster than any human can react, the rabbit deploys a long, slender blade from his wrist, and points it squarely at your nose. You jump back reflexively, and put your arms in the air in surrender.  
“whoa, whoa! take it easy, i’m not gonna hurt you,” you reassure him. The rabbit stares at you for a moment, and slowly removes the sword from your face, and holds the weapon to his side, tensing his body so that he’s ready to strike. The blade itself seems to be a katana about a metre long, begging the question of how he was able to fit it inside his small form, or why it has such as lustrous and keen edge despite the condition of its master.

To further show that you aren’t hostile, you bend down on one knee so that you’re eye level with him, like your Dad would do when you were young. The bunny takes a step back, appraising your new position. You decide to introduce yourself.  
“hi, my name’s john, what’s yours?”, you ask. The bunny does not answer, but he does seem to slacken his posture a bit. That’s encouraging enough to ask another question.  
“i’m looking for something, maybe someone. do you think you can help me?” Even if he doesn’t give any useful info, if he’s at least willing to help you, it’ll be a good sign. The rabbit shrugs his shoulders, yet he seems willing to cooperate.  
You decide to confirm your suspicions. “do you know anyone by the name strider? maybe someone called roxy?” If he knows a parallel version of Dave’s Bro, then he’d most likely have the name “Strider.” You also throw in Roxy’s name for good measure. You don’t know why, but it felt like the right thing to do. The bunny nods his head rapidly. He seems to be happy, like he hadn’t heard those names in years. That confirms your theory.  
“that’s great,” you tell him, “do you know where i can find them?” The rabbit shakes his head. It was a stupid question in hindsight. Roxy and Caliborn are playing two different sessions, so if he’s in here, then of course he wouldn’t know where she is. Then that begs the question of how the bunny got here if he belonged to this universe’s Strider. And why are you fixating on Roxy so much? It’s probably because she’s the only one of the new session’s players that you’ve met personally. Yes, that must be the only logical explanation.  
“can you at least give me some sort of hint?” you plead. The rabbit casts his head down for a moment, and then he sheathes his blade, turns around and starts walking, while gesturing for you to follow. He takes you to the other side of the room, where a larger monitor is located. He points specifically to something slotted within the machine. It appears to be some sort of data cartridge, like an old school video game, and on it there is a picture of Caliborn triumphantly holding a wand in the air, underneath the title “Act 6 Act 6.” You don’t know what that title refers to, but that is not what draws your attention. The most striking thing is the sparkling dust surrounding the port. You remove the device from the console, and yes, the inside is absolutely saturated with twinkling detritus. That can’t be good for the data, whatever it might be, so you do what comes naturally to anyone old enough to have played some cartridge-based games in their life: you blow on the inside. Being a Breath Player, your exhalation carries more force than usual, and in moments, both the cartridge and the port are completely spotless. You place the cartridge back into the port, hoping it would run smoothly, despite having no idea what it might do. You hear a pinging sound, and you look up to the screen of the console. It appears that someone is pestering Caliborn, but you have no idea who it might be, as there is no username next to the text. Just what kind of IM system is this anyway?

====> John: Respond

Hey Cal.  
How’s that thing of yours going?  
Homo...something? Fuck if I remember.  
i’m afraid caliborn can’t hear you.  
Firstly, I know he can’t hear me because you don’t need ears to operate an IM. You only need eyes.  
Also because he’s KO’d. And this leads to complaint numero dos.  
I should have suspected that you’d wind up here eventually, John. With that Juju, you could wreck shit wherever you go, least of all here.  
wait a sec.  
how do you know my name? and how do you know about the housey lookin thing?  
The whole knowing your name thing isn’t really that big a deal, because I know lots of stuff about lots of things.  
Also, the “housey lookin thing” has a name.  
It’s called the Keystone.  
okay then. what’s the keystone?  
Ehhh...  
Nope.  
I’m not gonna tell.  
what? come on.  
By telling you its name, I’ve already given you too much info right now.  
If Aranea hasn’t filled you in on the details yet, then it’s too early.  
okay. i’ll ask her if i find her again.  
You say that like it’s gonna be simple.  
which it will.  
i’ll just be like “ZAP”, and i’ll be there.  
Yeah, because Keystone.  
Anyway, you should probably do the zappy thing before Caliborn comes to.  
yeah, that sounds like a good idea.  
By the way, thanks for blowing that cartridge.  
your welcome.  
and just what’s on that thing, anyway?  
Wait, let me recap.  
You saw this dusty cartridge plugged into a mysterious console.  
You have no idea what it is or what it does.  
And you still cleaned it up?  
For all you know, it could lead to you and everything you care about being horribly fucked over.  
What drove you to do it?  
i dunno.  
i just cringed at seeing all that crap around the port.  
it felt like the right thing to do.  
Heh heh.  
what’s so funny?  
oh god, it’s not gonna actually lead to my eternal damnation, is it?  
Not really. That depends on you and your friends.  
I just found it a little amusing that you just...DO these things, because it’s “the right thing to do”, when you have no idea how important they really are.  
okay...?  
so what does this thing do?  
Ah, you wouldn’t understand.  
All you really need to know is that you’ve been a big help to me and many others just now.  
But I’ve wasted enough of your time already.  
You should probably find your friends now.  
oh shit, yeah!  
i need to find that ring!  
You’ll find it eventually, John.  
You have no idea how important you’re going to be in coming events.

And just like that, the screen fades to black and you’ve lost them, whoever they were.

====> John: Leave

Turning away from the console, you take one last look at the rusted bunny. “well, guess it’s time i left,” you say to him, “it was great to meet you, uh, whoever you were.” The rabbit looks back, head tilted in a way that suggests offense. “come on,” you shoot back, feeling a little frustrated, “you never told me your name, even when i asked!” The rabbit doesn’t respond, but he seems just as frustrated as you. You throw your hands in the air in exasperation and let out a long sigh. You consider the bunny for a moment, before you begin to form an idea. “say,” you begin to suggest, “how about i give you a new name?” The rabbit shrugs his shoulders apathetically. You want to give him a nice name, but for all your thinking, only one name comes to mind. “you don’t mind if i call you hella jeff, do you?” you ask him. The rabbit, newly christened Hella Jeff, shakes his head.  
Now that you know what to call the little guy, there’s still the issue of where to go next. You need to find that life-giving ring in order to help Roxy bring back Calliope; she’s going to majorly important in whatever plan Aranea’s cooking up. Speaking of Aranea, you’ll also need to find her, as she could shed some additional light on the Keystone. Whatever the case, you need to find your way back to the new session. Once again, you feel that familiar corporeal tug at your atoms, signifying that the Keystone is working its magic again. Before you give in to the feeling, you get an idea. “hey, hella jeff,” you call over to the rabbit, “you wanna come with?” He nods his head rapidly, and bounces on his feet with excitement. “you seem happy,” you say, “only natural after being apart from your friends for so long.” He bounces over to you and grabs the fabric of your pants. You haven’t tried taking anyone with you when you use the Keystone yet, but this is as good an opportunity as any.

In a blinding teal flash, both you and Hella Jeff leave Caliborn where he lies. You want to get back to Roxy’s session as soon as you can. You need to find either her or Aranea in order to figure out where to go next. You hope nothing too bad has happened in the time you’ve been gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have the first chapter of An End To All Things. Overall, I thought it wasn't too bad an effort for a first upload to AO3, and it was also a valuable learning experience with the HTML.
> 
> A few things to get out the way first. Yes, this fic is basically my headcanon as to what may happen next after the Gigapause. Hopefully, I'll be able to get it finished before the end of the Gigapause, but if the Gigaupd8 hits before I can, and these predictions are inevitably disproven, then I will still make an effort to finish it, so feel free to interpret this as a simple headcanon made with incomplete information.
> 
> The next chapter will have few, if any, pesterlogs, which mean less trouble with the HTML for me. Future chapters will have [S] commands, so we'll see how the HTML handles hyperlinks, and failing the hyperlinks, I'll figure something out.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this first chapter, and that you're looking forward to the next one.


	2. II

====> Jake: Wake up

You are now Jake English; however you cannot wake up as you were never asleep to begin with.

That energy blast merely stunned you, helped by the fact that it exploded by your feet rather than directly hit you. As much as you dislike your new custard underwear, you have to like the fact that you’re a bit more durable than you were before. Nonetheless, your head is still swimming from being thrown back by the force of the explosion, and you nearly lose balance as you scramble to your feet. Only after nursing the painful bruise at the back of your head do your surroundings begin to make sense.

The first thing that you notice is the jester, clad in his indigo jumpsuit with the bulging, embarrassingly conspicuous codpiece. You recognise him from your journey, as he would try to sell you a wide variety of vividly coloured potions of dubious origins and effectiveness. When you refused, he began harassing you persistently for you to take him up on his “UnBeAtAbLe MoThErFuCkIn DeAlS.” You initially saw him with a mixture of amusement and annoyance, but then came the day you created Erisolsprite. You remember how he pulled two corpses (or rather, one corpse and the disembodied legs of another) out of the refrigerator he dragged around, and tossed them carelessly into the Kernel. It was more than a little disconcerting how he did such a grisly thing so casually. But nevertheless, you still found a good friend in Erisolsprite. You remember one of the conversations you had with him (by which you mean you would attempt to converse with him and he would insult you) where you made an off-handed mention of the “strange harlequin chap.” Mr. Erisol’s response was even colder than usual. “hii2 name’2 gamzee makara. don’t tru2t hiim, he’2 bad neww2.” That advice never came in handy, as you never saw that strange bard again, but both Erisolsprite’s words and the man’s casual way of handling dead bodies had cast his clownish antics and whimsical words in a more sinister light in your mind.

Seeing him now however, you are beginning to understand why Erisol was so wary of him. Soaking in his own deep purple blood, he’s showing his middle finger towards the direction of the forest with one arm, and gripping the other troll woman in a headlock with the other. His face is no longer the complacent yet wise smirk you remember, but instead a snarling grin, his razors sharp fangs making it all the more menacing and bestial. You also take note of the woman, wearing a red blindfold, reaching for her discarded blade despite the copious amounts of teal blood leaking out of her injuries. The last thing you remember after Aranea’s visit was waking up to see Gamzee beating the absolute piss out of this poor girl. Before, when he didn’t respond to your attempt to reach out to him, you assumed that he was in the middle of a fight, which would have made sense considering how badly wounded he is; by all accounts, he shouldn’t be still breathing. But now you’ve seen the extent of her own injuries, combined with the fact that she’s grasping for a weapon that she wasn’t carrying before, you’re starting to make some very disturbing connections. Would this capricious old fellow use his full strength against a defenceless opponent? It would be most uncouth.

Taking a breath, you clear your throat and say, “Excuse me mr...err...makara was it?” It’s a long shot, but if you can draw his attention...  
“WHAT?” he bellows as he snaps his head around to see you. You flinch on instinct from the sudden noise, but now you notice another disconcerting feature. His eyes are glistening, almost glowing red, and looking at them arouses something primal within, some part of you begging your conscious mind to run away. Out of gentlemanly duty and no small amount of foolishness, you hold your ground and press the issue.  
“I was wondering...why exactly are you harming this person? If this is a duel for honour i dont mean to impose but to an outside observer it might seem...”  
“this has nothing to do with you, human,” he snaps, pushing the woman with seemingly little effort and tossing her several metres, while turning around to face you, “SO STEP THE MOTHERFUCK OFF.” Now that you’re looking at him dead on, you can’t help but feel unnerved at his expression. His mouth is a completely straight line, but his eyes are burning with fury.  
“To reiterate i dont mean to impose”, you manage to choke out, barely keeping your fear contained, “but you seem to be involved in some sort of quarrel with her and i want to know a bit more thats all.”  
“quarrel ain’t just with her,” he informs you, before pointing aggressively towards the forest, “BUT ALSO WITH A FEW OTHER SERFBLOODED MOTHERFUCKERS OVER YONDER. just puttin em in their place, is all.” Upon saying that last part, he breaks into a smile, his teeth appearing even sharper than before. Behind him, the woman gets to her knees uneasily, and grabs the thin blade before pointing it at him.  
“COM3 B4CK H3R3, M4K4R4,” she shouts, legs shaking as she tries to stand, “W3 4R3NT F1N1SH3D Y3T!”  
“YOU’RE MOTHERFUCKING RIGHT, WE AREN’T,” he shoots back. He turns back towards her, and he disappears from your sight, crossing the distance faster than your eye can see. With no time to react, she is lifted into the air by the neck with one hand. Gamzee reaches his other arm out to the side, and with a flash of light, a black and white lance appears in his hand, its’ dark tip pointing at her chest. “now,” he whispers, “where the motherfuck were we?”  
You don’t think as you materialise one of your pistols and pull the trigger. The bullet soars just above his head, tearing off the top of his tall hood and letting loose a hefty mane of unkempt hair. All three of you rare completely frozen, trying to piece together what just happened; none more so than you, as you look over the golden guns in your hands. He drops both her and the weapon, the lance disappearing with a flash. He turns around shaking, his hands balled into fists as he faces you. He grinds his teeth so hard you think his gums are about to bleed, but then his mouth opens wide and he roars, “DO YOU HAVE ANY MOTHERFUCKING IDEA WHO THE MOTHERFUCK I AM?” 

Yeah, you’re fucked.

====> Jake: Be Karkat

You are now Karkat Vantas.

You don’t know how things got this bad this fast. Earlier today, you got perforated by one of this Session’s players, under orders from the Empress no less. How did the Empress get here? You thought she perished along with the rest of your kind due to the Vast Glub. But what matters now is that the Imperial flagship is hovering just above Jade’s tower, and if any of the propaganda was true, then she is more than capable of blowing everyone on this planet to kingdom come on a seconds’ notice.

However, that isn’t what concerns you at this present moment. What matters is Terezi being hoisted up by Gamzee, a spear pointed at her chest. Your body is being racked by your minds’ influence; your stomach is churning with disgust, your chest tightened by fear and your throat burning with rage. If you weren’t already absolutely sure that you were the biggest moron in Paradox Space, you would definitely be making a claim for such a title. Gamzee was your moirail, and you became his moirail to make sure that he would never hurt someone again, and you fucked that up. You also wanted to help Terezi out of the funk she’d been in lately, to make sure she didn’t do anything reckless or idiotic, and you fucked that up as well. It wasn’t until recently that you learned of their kismesisitude, but from what you heard, it was bad, even for blackrom. Seriously, how do you fuck up blackrom? When you saw her about to fall into that lava, everything just seemed to stop. Time seemed to move at a tenth of the pace, and everything was silent as she descended closer and closer to the superheated liquid. You couldn’t move, nor could you bring yourself to believe what you saw; you couldn’t even breathe until Gamzee pulled her up for further punishment. You never want to experience something like that again, and you are going to damn well make sure of it.

Your thoughts are interrupted by a shot ringing out, and Gamzee’s heinously messy mop spills from the ruined hood. The gunman appears to be one of the new universes’ humans, the spitting image of John, dressed in...what the fuck is he wearing? You quickly decide that doesn’t matter, as he seems to be distracting Gamzee. You turn to Kanaya, her saw at the ready, because honestly, she was looking for a good excuse to rip him apart. “WE HAVE TO GET OVER THERE,” you say, fairly pointlessly as that was already the plan.  
“I Know We Do”, asserts Kanaya, “But It Will Be Problematic As There Are Few Stepping Stones Across The Lava”  
“I KNOW THAT,” you protest, “BUT WE HAVE TO GET THERE NOW TO MAKE SURE TEREZI IS OKAY, PREFERABLY BEFORE SPEEDODOUCHE GETS HIMSELF KILLED.” Kanaya bows her head for a moment and closes her eyes, before looking straight at you.  
“I Believe I Have An Idea”, she tells you. Before you can ask, she simply picks you up, like a lusus would pick up a wiggler, and tosses you across the fiery lake. You panic as you soar, deducing that she’s finally snapped, until you land face down on something that does not cause flaming agony. Indeed, you are now scrambling to your feet on large stone platform, with a clear path to Gamzee. Shortly after standing, Kanaya lands gracefully next to you.  
“THANKS FOR THE SAVE, KANAYA,” you say with the same tone that Rose would use whenever Dave said something ‘ironic’, when it was simply stupid, “NO REALLY, I APPRECIATE BEING TOSSED AROUND LIKE A FUCKING GRUB IN A GAME OF CULLING BALL INTO ALMOST CERTAIN DEATH. I’M ALSO GLAD THAT YOU DECIDED THAT THIS WAS THE PERFECT TIME TO TEST YOUR RAINBOW DRINKER STRENGTH, AND I COMMEND THAT YOU MADE A CALCULATED RISK TO AVOID MY INCENDIARY DEMISE. ALSO...”  
“Karkat Do You Want To Help Terezi Or Not”, Kanaya says to interrupt you. Seeing that this isn’t an appropriate time for a rant, you sigh and draw your sickles once more.  
“FINE, LET’S END THIS.” 

And so you make your way over to the wide central platform where Gamzee and Terezi are. You’re going to take responsibility for your fuck-ups, even if you have to die to do so.

====> Karkat: Go Back to Being Jake

Once again, you are standing in the shoes of Jake English.

In front of you stands a man you have witnessed beating another to death’s door with his bare hands, smashing slabs of solid stone with wrestling moves, and creating weapons out of thin air. You have just taken perhaps the most brain-dead course of action possible, and made an attempt on his life. You didn’t even want to kill him; you instinctively fired a warning shot as he was about to kill her. Oh, curse your gentlemanly habits, now they’ve invited the wrath of a superhuman killer clown!

“DO YOU HAVE ANY MOTHERFUCKING IDEA WHO THE MOTHERFUCK I AM?” he asks you, and suddenly you no longer feel nearly as brave you did before. “well i’ll motherfucking tell you,” he continues, “I AM THE LAST SUBJUGGLATOR, and a mirthful brother under the angel of double death. I AM GAMZEE MOTHERFUCKING MAKARA.” It’s at this point that he starts pacing towards you, and you can’t help but step back as he comes closer. He stops for a while and turns towards the girl, now fully stood up with sword at the ready. “to touch me is to feel the touch of the mirthful messiahs,” he says almost gently, before snapping his head back to you to resume his bellowing, “TO HURT ME IS TO INVOKE THEIR DIVINE MOTHERFUCKING WRATH.” Light shines forth from his hands, and when it fades you see two swords. In his left hand is a jet black blade, much like the ones the guards outside your prison cell would carry, and in his right he holds a longer, heavier sword of a deep red hue, decorated with amphibian motifs. “so you see,” he utters, looking you right in the eye as he brandishes his weapons, “i’m not about to let some dumb motherfucker with mustard undies from a heathen race get the motherfucking drop on me.” Now that you see him standing over you from his slightly higher vantage point, it feels like ice is flowing through your veins. Everything seems to get darker, while his eyes appear to glow brighter, and you can hear the faint sounds of laughter and clown horns. Your heart is hammering to the point that it feels as though your ribs are vibrating, and you feel like you can’t take a deep enough breath. Every animalistic urge is telling you to get the fuck out of there _now_ , but despite the protests of both the rational and irrational parts of you, you simply cannot move. Your fear still paralyses you as he spins his swords once and enters a combat stance, before shouting, “PREPARE TO GET MOTHERFUCKING SUBJUGGLATED!”

The cold vice-grip on your heart is released as he turns around and deflects a blow from the blindfolded woman. Feeling much more relieved, you jump up to the larger platform to see what is happening. Metal collides in metal in blurs of movement much more worthy of being called a duel. Despite her wounds, she proves to be an excellent fencer, her agility making up for her comparative lack of strength. Unfortunately, despite her dextrous movements and precise blows, her injuries make it increasingly difficult to catch up to Gamzee, who returns the offence with unmatched ferocity. “HEY, CLOWNSHIT,” you hear a voice cry out, “IF YOU WANT A CHALLENGE, LOOK NO FUCKING FURTHER.” From the direction of the voice, you see two more trolls running towards the fight. The boy, carrying two sickle blades, is trailing behind the much faster girl, brandishing a chainsaw. The woman with glowing skin lets loose a primal roar and brings the saw down onto Gamzee’s head. He uses both blades to block the saw, unleashing a torrent of sparks, and kicks away it’s wielder to clear some room as he reengages the blindfolded swordswoman. The boy with the sickles sprints closer to the melee, and upon getting within a certain distance, leaps into the air and flips forward, building up centrifugal force to strike mightily on the way down. Seeming to barely notice between deflecting both the sword and the chainsaw, Gamzee turns on his heel and almost effortlessly bats way the sickles with a powerful slash of his own. Nonetheless, the sickle wielder recovers with a backflip and lands gracefully before charging forward with a flurry of blindingly fast strikes. It’s an amazing and terrible sight to behold. All four of these trolls have proven themselves capable combatants, but it appears that the clown is on a whole other level, able to keep three opponents at bay with feral capering and wild swings. Gamzee appears to be cornered, his vicious blows barely deflecting slender blades, crescent-shaped edges and buzzing teeth. However, a lucky strike makes a deep gash in the chainsaw wielder’s leg, staining the black blade jade green, while the blindfolded warrior is struck in the temple with the pommel of the red sword, making the fight one-on-one until they can recover. The two trolls perfectly match each other in agility and skill, their attacks becoming faster and faster until their arms are blurring flashes of sparks, and your ears ache with the sound of banging metal. When it seems that the pace couldn’t quicken any more, they clash their weapons once more and lock edges, each trying to push over the over.  
“hey, best friend,” whispers Gamzee, “I WAS WONDERING WHEN YOU’D MOTHERFUCKING SHOW.”  
“ENOUGH HARLEQUIN BULLSHIT,” replies the sickle wielder, “THIS ENDS TODAY!” Before Gamzee can respond he jumps away, leaving him off-balance.

You hear a static screeching noise above you, and in the sky you can see a human in an orange robe holding what seems to be a white baton, glowing with blue light. Swinging the wand down, she sends an azure ray beaming down right on top of Gamzee’s head. You are knocked backwards as a thunderous blast rings out, kicking up a massive cloud of dust, obscuring everything on the platform. You wonder briefly if it is over, but behind you hear a crash as Gamzee lands uncomfortably on his feet. He now carries one red blade, the other black one having apparently been lost in the explosion. Reflexively, you jump to your feet and fire a few shots at him, but with a few well timed swings he deflects them with no issue. “worthless human,” he growls as he raises the sword high above his head. You recoil and cross you arms in front of your face. But it won’t do anything. It seems as though your goose is cooked.  
“8elieve,” you hear a voice say, echoing in the recesses of your mind, and suddenly you don’t feel so scared anymore. Steeling yourself, you begin firing again. You notice something different about the shots, as instead of the orange glow of gunpowder igniting, your aim is thrown off by bursts of pure white light. He resumes his defensive posture, but instead of the bullet being deflected, it punches straight through, and after a few more shots, the blade is completely shattered, the crimson shards glistening before fading away in a soft light.  
“MOTHERFUCK!” he exclaims, staring at his now empty hand aghast. Levelling your weapons at him, you begin to feel something warm swell within you as your feet begin to float.  
“I might not have anything to do with this”, you say as you ascend, “nor will i even pretend to know what the devil is going on. But that wont stop me from doing a gentlemans duty to defuse situations like this and to stop villains like you. Im putting the kibosh on this madness now!” 

The trolls below you stare at you in irritation, curiosity and disbelief respectively, while Gamzee narrows his eyes and begins grinding his teeth once more.  
“I couldn’t have said it better,” calls a voice from above you, “though I probably would have phrased it in a much less corny way.” The woman in the orange robe descends to greet you and...Holy smokes, she looks just like Roxy!  
“ROSE,” shouts the sickle wielding troll, “WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU? NOT THAT YOUR TIMING WAS BAD OR ANYTHING, BUT WE COULD HAVE DONE WITH A FEW MORE SPELLS OUR WAY.”  
“I know that, Karkat,” says Rose, looking a little downcast, “I had to take my mother somewhere safe before I left her behind.”  
“Your mother?” you ask, before realisation hits you; you are now aware that you’re looking at the parallel universe teenage version of Roxy’s mother, “Roxy! What happened to her? Is she alright?”  
“She’s fine,” Rose reassures you, “she’s just unconscious at the moment.” That’s a relief to hear, even though you should be concerned over why she’s unconscious in the first place. You decide to slowly descend down to ground level with the other trolls, when you hear her chuckle lightly on the way down, “So she’s called Roxy? That’s a nice name.” When you touch the ground, you see her run towards the group stopping just short of the three and softly say, “I’m sorry, Terezi. I should have interfered sooner.”  
“1TS F1N3, ROS3,” Terezi replies panting from both fatigue and pain, “1 DONT M1ND TH4T YOU 1NT3RF3R3D L4T3 1N TH3 G4M3, THOUGH 1 WOULD H4V3 PR3F3RR3D TH4T YOU D1DNT 1NT3RF3R3 4T 4LL” Even through the blindfold, you feel her glaring at the rest of the group, particularly at Karkat.  
“WELL, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT US TO DO?” Karkat snaps, “DID YOU WANT US TO JUST SIT BACK AND WATCH YOU DIE?”  
“1 COULD H4NDL3 1T BY MYS3LF!” she retorts, her voice becoming more hostile.  
“OH SURE,” he seethes, putting his hand on his brow in exasperation, “HE PUNCHED OUT HALF OF YOUR BLOOD, NEARLY THREW YOU INTO A FUCKING FLAMING LAKE, AND WAS ABOUT TO SKEWER YOU IF NOT FOR MR. BUDGIE SMUGGLER OVER THERE. BUT FUCK IT; I’M SURE YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE.”  
“WH4T TH3 FUCK 1S WRONG W1TH YOU, K4RK4T?” she shouts, lowering her blindfold so she could look him in the eye, “1 TOLD YOU TH4T 4LL TH1S SH1T W1TH G4MZ33 W4S STUFF TH4T 1 OUGHT TO D34L W1TH ON MY OWN; WHY DO YOU F33L TH3 N33D TO 1NVOLV3 YOURS3LF 1N MY BUS1N3SS? YOUR3 WORS3 TH4N K4N4Y4 WH3N 1T COM3S TO M3DDL1NG”  
“SO I GIVE A FUCK WHETHER YOU LIVE OR DIE, AND SUDDENLY I’M THE ONE WHO’S OUT OF HIS SPONGE?” Karkat shouts. His voice is less angry than it is desperate, his strained face showing his heartbreak, “GAMZEE USED TO BE MY MOIRAIL. HE WAS MY RESPONSIBILITY, AND I FUCKED IT UP. SO, NO, YOU’RE NOT ALONE IN THIS NIGHTMARE FESTIVAL CRAP.” After saying that, he sighs deeply, massaging his brow. After a long moment, he looks up to Terezi, and softly says, “YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE.” After a moment’s thought, Terezi’s eyes soften a bit, and a small smirk begins to form at the corners of her lips.  
“i hate to kick the wicked shit on this feelings jam,” calls Gamzee, “BUT I’M STILL MOTHERFUCKING HERE.” Gamzee stands at the edge of the platform, seeming to have calmed down a little. Terezi paces towards him, her scowl back in place.  
“TH3 ODDS 4R3 ST4CK3D 4G41NST YOU, M4K4R4,” she says with conviction, “4ND SO 1S TH3 3V1D3NC3; YOU M1GHT 4S W3LL 4DM1T TH4T YOUR3 1N C4HOOTS W1TH 4R4N34” Wait. Aranea’s involved in this? That doesn’t seem right. All the others stare at Terezi, equally as confused.  
“i ain’t in no cahoots with serket,” he growls, the name setting him on edge, “SHE GOT IN MY HEAD, and strung me around like a motherfucking puppet. BUT SHE WILL PAY FOR MAKING ME BETRAY THE MESSIAHS, right after i’m done with you motherfuckers.” Terezi pauses, considering his words.  
“I Dont Understand", exclaims Kanaya, “What Is Aranea Doing In The Physical World And Why Would She Mind Control Gamzee”  
“TH4T’S WH4T 1D L1K3 TO KNOW,” Terezi replies darkly, before clearing her throat and turning back to Gamzee, “G4MZ33 M4K4R4, YOU CL41M TO H4V3 B33N UND3R TH3 1NFLU3NC3 OF PSYCH1C CO3RC1ON; 1F POSS1BL3, COULD YOU SH3D 4NY 4DD1T1ON14L L1GHT ON H3R GO4LS?”  
“sorry to motherfucking disappoint you,” he says, “BUT THE ONLY MOTHERFUCKING GOALS I KNOW ARE THE ONES SET TO MY OWN MOTHERFUCKING SELF.” At this point, Gamzee exhales deeply, spreads his arms wide open and casts his eyes skyward, “i am on a righteous path.”  
“YOU 4R3 M1ST4K3N 1F YOU B3L13V3 YOUR CR1M1N4L 4CT1ONS TO B3 R1GHT3OUS,” counters Terezi, glaring at him with increasing intensity.  
“DON’T MOTHERFUCKING PRETEND THAT THE LAWS OF THE EMPIRE MEAN ANY MOTHERFUCKING THING ANYMORE,” he roars, snarling for a moment before collecting himself, “i will pave the way for our motherfucking salvation.”  
“Salvation?” you ask, unable to keep your curiosity back, “Whatever do you mean by that?”  
“ONLY KICKING THE WICKED SHIT IN THE DARK CARNIVAL,” he proclaims with all the passion of a minister preaching to his flock, “see, a long time ago, i got the motherfucking globes to be claiming that the messiahs were me. AND ALSO MOTHERFUCKING ME. so i had to go repent. GO ON A JOURNEY OF REDEMPTION FOR THE HERESIES FROM MY OWN MOTHERFUCKING MOUTH."  
“OH, FUCK TH1S,” Terezi sighs, throwing her hands in the air, “H3S GO1NG ON 4NOTH3R R3L1G1OUS T4NG3NT; W3R3 NOT GO1NG TO G3T 4NYTH1NG OUT OF H1M.”  
“and that's when i found the messiahs,” Gamzee continued, not even registering the interruption, “THE MUSE OF SPACE AND LORD OF TIME. so i became their guide, and watched as two messiahs became one. AND I BORE WITNESS AS THE MIRTHFUL MOTHERFUCKING ANGEL OPENED THE WAY TO THE PROMISED LAND.” You can’t even begin to understand what he means by all this, but his exaggerated hand motions and the crazed glint in his eyes tell you that this path of redemption had not been particularly good for his psyche.  
“SO YOU RESPOND TO AN INTERROGATION WITH EVEN MORE SANCTIMONIOUS JESTER RAMBLINGS?” shrieks Karkat incredulously, “I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED THIS, BUT YOU HAVE SOMEHOW MANAGED TO DESCEND TO A NEW ECHELON OF NOOKSUCKING GRUBFUCKERY. I DON’T KNOW HOW MANY ECHELONS THERE ARE, BECAUSE YOU KEEP FALLING TO NEW ONES AT FUCKING TERMINAL VELOCITY; IT KEEPS HAPPENING, AND IT’S NOT GOING TO STOP HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON, IS IT?”  
“but don’t y’all see what i’m all up and trying to do?” he pleads, reaching out to Karkat, “I WANT TO MOTHERFUCKING SAVE YOU!”  
“And would that flavour of salvation happen to involve killing us?” asks Rose, glaring as though she already knows the answer. Gamzee’s face, first a desperate frown, slowly turns into a vengeful scowl, his glare intensifying until his eyes emit that baleful glow again.  
“the vast honk is coming, sister,” he proclaims, “AND I’M GOING TO BE ALL MOTHERFUCKING CHILL IN THE PROMISED LAND. i want you to be there with me.” As he speaks, he reaches for his codpiece, grips it firmly with a honking sound, and tears it off roughly, “EITHER YOU WILL BE KICKING THE WICKED SHIT AT MY SIDE...or you’ll be there in motherfucking spirit.” And with that he hoists the detached cod skyward, and it begins to glow, “SO WHO’S READY TO JOIN THE DARK MOTHERFUCKING CARNIVAL?”

The glowing intensifies until a blinding burst of light surges forth, and when it fades, the codpiece is gone. In its place, Gamzee is holding a massive blade, as long as he is tall and about a foot wide; it’s a testament to his strength that he can lift it at all, let alone hold it aloft with one hand. The body of the sword is painted a deep black, decorated with a simple smiley face on one side, and a frowning face on the other, both painted the same shade of dark purple as his blood; the colours fade into the silvery gleam of the two wickedly serrated edges, which meet in a devilish, arrow-shaped tip. You definitely want to keep that thing as far away from you as possible. However, given the ridiculous length of the blade, he could probably kill half of you in one swing.  
Karkat closes his eyes, inhales sharply and gives Gamzee a hard look before saying, “YOU GUYS GO ON AHEAD, I’LL DEAL WITH GAMZEE.”  
“FUCK NO, YOUR3 NOT,” Terezi snaps, “TH4TS BOTH STUP1D 4ND HYPOCR1T1C4L: WH4T W4S TH3 PO1NT OF T3LL1NG M3 1M NOT 4LON3 1F YOUR3 JUST GONN4 T4K3 H1M ON BY YOURS3LF?”  
“YOU THINK THERE’S MORE TO THIS THAN IT LOOKS, RIGHT?” Karkat asks in return, “THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS INVOLVED?”  
“Y3S, 1 DO,” she confirms, “1M NOT 3X4CTLY SUR3 HOW, BUT 4R4N34 1S 1NVOLV3D”  
“THAT MEANS YOU’LL WANT TO INVESTIGATE,” Karkat deduces, “YOU STILL WANT TO GO ON ONE OF YOUR ATTORNEY GUMSHOE CRUSADES, RIGHT?” Terezi allows herself a light chuckle.  
“1 GU3SS SO”  
“THEN YOU SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE THE OTHERS WITH YOU,” Karkat suggests, “IF SERKET IS SOMEHOW BOTH RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS CLUSTERFUCK AND NO LONGER A DREAM GHOST, YOU DON’T WANT TO BE ALONE WHEN YOU FIND HER.”  
“MUCH L1K3 4NY S4N3 1ND1V1DU4L WOULDNT W4NT TO T4K3 ON 4 SUBJUGGL4TOR 4LON3?”  
“COME ON, TEREZI,” Karkat chuckles, “AT THIS POINT, WE BOTH KNOW I’M ONLY MARGINALLY MORE SANE THAN YOU.” In reaction to this, Terezi starts giggling, which soon escalates into a cackling that seems almost wicked, if not for the beaming smile on her face.  
“BUT S3R1OUSLY, K4RK4T,” she says flatly, laughter stopping in an instant, “B3 C4R3FUL”  
“I WILL,” he promises, giving one last look to Terezi, the ghost of a smile on his lips. He finally turns away and begins to step towards Gamzee.  
“so the pariahblood comes to play?” he taunts, pointing the sword straight at Karkat’s face, as though he can’t feel the weight at all.  
“LET’S GET THIS OVER WITH,” Karkat replies, drawing his sickles and tensing his body.  
“IT’S TIME WE GOT TO MOTHERFUCKING SETTLING THIS SHIT,” Gamzee answers, flipping the massive hunk of metal and catching it in a reverse grip to enter a defensive stance, before smiling vindictively, “don’t you think, best friend?”

“Whats Our Next Move”, asks Kanaya as Terezi rejoins your group. She steps to the edge of the platform, replaces her blindfold, and begins sniffing the air for some reason.  
“SH3S ON TH3 TOW3R,” she announces, pointing in the direction of the white tower, sitting beneath a massive battleship you didn’t notice until now. It’s red hull and white fork-shaped insignia leads you to believe that it belongs to the Batterwitch. Undeterred, Terezi begins pointing fingers, “ROS3, T4K3 K4N4Y4, 4ND 1LL T4K3 TH3 OTH3R HUM4N” Rose and Kanaya look into each other’s eyes, nod, and Kanaya wordlessly holds onto Rose as she takes off into the air. Not long after, you feel someone grip you shoulders tightly from behind.  
“Eeer...terezi was it?” you find yourself asking.  
“Y3S,” she confirms, “4ND YOUR N4M3 1S?”  
“Jake”, you respond, “Is there a particular reason youre grabbing me like this?”  
“1 N33D TO G3T TO TH4T TOW3R,” she says, temporarily letting go of your shoulder to point in its’ general direction, “YOU C4N FLY, 1 C4NT” Finally catching on, you grab her wrists to make sure that her grip is firm, and you ascend.

And thus two humans and two trolls fly towards the tower, their departure punctuated by the sound of clashing blades.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter turned out to be much longer than I was expecting. And as it turns out that keeping the dialogue in this aesthetic takes just as much fiddling with the HTML as a Pesterlog would. But I don't mind if it makes the read better for you guys.
> 
> I wasn't expecting 100+ hits and 4 Kudos for a first effort, but needless to say, I'm pleasantly surprised. Thanks a bunch, you lovely people.
> 
> For those of you who were more observant, Gamzee was indeed wielding the Regisword and the Scarlet Ribbitar (how he could will be revealed later.) As for the Dicksword (which has a name and backstory, which I couldn't fit into this chapter), I couldn't help but think that the codpiece would play some larger role because of the insane crotch shots, so I thought "Fuck it: Hussie would do it, Gamzee would do it, and it would be funny."
> 
> Finally, a fair bit of warning that update speed will slow down in coming weeks as university work ramps up, so updates may be become sparodic, but I won't abandon this fic, don't worry.
> 
> That should be it, so I'll see you in chapter 3!


	3. III

====> Dirk: Heroically Jump into the Action

You now assume control of Dirk Strider. However, you cannot jump into the action. You are too far away to do so, no matter how heroic it would be.

You are hurtling through the void of the Furthest Ring as fast as your purple pantaloons will allow, but even at this pace, it will likely be at least another hour before you are anywhere near your destination. It helps that you’ve been flying a bit faster since your roadblock was removed. During your flight you encountered a massive cloud of...you have no idea what it was. The way it obscured and distorted the light and sound around you reminded you of the JPEG artefacts that are the hallmark of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. It only lasted a few minutes, but it was still disconcerting how you couldn’t see properly and how you couldn’t hear anything but a scratchy screech as it interfered with your communication. But then, just as suddenly as you ran into it, the feeling stopped, as if the cloud was simply blown away. With no clue as to what happened, you rushed off, your pace quickening in your single-minded dash towards the faint blue light of Skaia. But the cloud was not a complete hindrance though. Apparently, ARquis was able to trace the chumhandle of your Paradox child. You made a note to contact him when you were a bit closer to the Incipisphere. It wouldn’t be exactly the same, but after all these years, you would finally be able to meet your Bro.

It wasn’t that long ago that ARquisprite sent you a large package of data before saying “You should take a 100k at this.” The images that he had captured were completely unbelievable. Jake’s power level soaring to an unprecedented level, obliterating half of Derse, and being able to overpower someone with the power of a First Guardian. You don’t know if this one of the Batterwitch’s plans, perhaps it isn’t, but all you know is that Jake and everyone else is in danger. Your grip tightens on your katana. You should have been more careful when you took on that girl. You could see that she was probably the teenage version of Jake’s grandma, and you suspected that she was being used as a puppet by the Condesce, as would be typical. Nonetheless, you had no idea what she was capable of, and you still charged her. If you had been a little less stupid, you wouldn’t be literally in the middle of nowhere. Then again, there are an innumerable number of things that could be improved by you being less stupid.

However, now that you’re out of the artefact cloud, and you’re a little closer to where the session is taking place, the signal should be strong enough that you can contact your “Ectobro” (ARquis’ words, not yours.) It couldn’t hurt, and it would give you something to do for a while.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG].

TT: Hello, Dave.  
TT: I’m not sure if this is the best time...  
TT: But like to talk to you for a few minutes.  
TG: sorry this isnt a good time  
TG: kind of the opposite actually  
TG: but i can ask who the fuck you are and how you know my name  
TT: Well, my name’s Dirk.  
TG: nice meeting you dirk but im busy  
TT: Dirk Strider.  
TG: strider  
TG: holy shit  
TG: you know what  
TG: fuck it  
TG: looks like theyve stopped for a bit  
TG: i can talk a little while  
TT: Okay.  
TT: So you’re in the Incipisphere?  
TT: How are Jake and the others?  
TG: who  
TG: you mean the guy in the speedo  
TG: the guy with the giant white aura  
TG: the guy who kept spamming corny antiquated idioms  
TT: Yep, that sounds like Jake.  
TT: Have you seen him anywhere?  
TG: the giant white ball of awesome is gone  
TG: so no  
TT: Damn.  
TT: Did you see anyone else from my Session?  
TG: i did see my buddys ectomom  
TG: dark hair  
TG: kinda portly  
TG: dont know what to make of her  
TG: she does seem to be in some kind of evil imperial mind control deal  
TG: like vader finally got his shit together and gave luke a shock collar  
TG: and was like  
TG: if you dont carve shit up with your lightsaber you get shocked  
TG: something like that  
TG: still hot though  
TG: forget i said that  
TT: Jane’s alright, that’s a relief.  
TT: But the fact that she’s still evil, not so much.  
TT: What about the Batterwitch?  
TG: the what  
TT: Her Imperious Condescension?  
TG: no fucking clue  
TT: Ugh, never mind.  
TT: I’ll find out myself at some point.  
TG: yeah where are you anyway  
TT: The Furthest Ring.  
TT: The one-stop terminal destination on the First Guardian Doggy Teleportation Express!  
TG: so jade zapped you into the void  
TG: shit sucks man  
TT: Yeah, so about Jade...  
TT: How exactly does she have the powers of a First Guardian?  
TG: shenanigans  
TT: I see.  
TT: Is she usually a dark harbinger of nautical fascism?  
TG: not at all  
TG: shes like a fucking ray of sunshine  
TG: like if you look at her silly antics too long your eyes melt  
TG: those fucking antics man  
TG: i cant get over how fucking crazy she can be  
TG: the good crazy i mean  
TG: the bad crazy was a recent thing  
TG: but like  
TG: whenever you talk to her  
TG: shell always put a smile on your face  
TG: always  
TT: That sounds precious. I’d like to meet her at some point.  
TT: You know, when she’s “good crazy”, or whenever.  
TT: Though given how you describe her, and through how she’s acting now...  
TT: It’s likely that she’s being mind controlled.  
TG: that much was kinda obvious  
TG: sherlock and watson thank you for your contribution to the case  
TG: theyre all like  
TG: dirk we couldnt have done it without your uncanny ability to detect the self fucking evident  
TG: then they clink their pipes together and call it a day  
TT: Fuck you.  
TT: I’ve been flying at full speed back to Skaia for the last two hours.  
TT: I don’t exactly have many info sources out here.  
TT: The only reason I have any idea what the fuck is going on is because of my sprite.  
TT: So forgive me if I don’t catch as quick.  
TG: okay okay  
TG: didnt know you were gonna be so anal  
TT: No, it’s cool.  
TT: Obviously something’s got your panties in a knot.  
TT: Is it Jade?  
TG: sort of  
TT: What do you mean “sort of”?  
TG: shes dead  
TT: Oh shit.  
TT: I’m so sorry.  
TG: nah its cool  
TG: see  
TG: apparently johns ectonanna can bring her back  
TT: Well, that’s a damn useful ability.  
TT: I guess not even alien bakery brainwashing can stop the Maid of Life doing the Lifey Thing.  
TG: now heres where shit gets complex  
TG: to revive jade jane needs her body  
TG: which has been appropriated by the flying dogs  
TT: Flying dogs?  
TG: jack noir  
TG: the version of him from my universe  
TG: got mixed up with first guardian devilbeast and now he teleports around stabbing people  
TG: but his doggy instincts just took over  
TG: hes taken her corpse and has gone full cerberus  
TG: we cant get anywhere near her and no amount of snausages will convince him to let us pass  
TT: Shit.  
TT: Sounds dangerous.  
TG: no kidding  
TG: he killed you  
TT: You mean my alternate self?  
TG: right  
TG: you could be a totally different person for all i know  
TT: Right.  
TT: You mentioned other flying dogs?  
TG: yeah  
TG: like a feminine white jack  
TG: no idea what her deal is  
TG: dont know if she likes stabbing too  
TG: all i know is that shell stab me if i get too close to jade  
TT: So, from what I can gather, trying to recover Jade’s body is basically a death sentence.  
TG: maybe  
TT: You aren’t seriously considering this, are you?  
TG: i already made up my mind  
TG: were doing it man  
TT: We’re making this happen.  
TG: hahaha  
TG: so hey  
TG: in a few minutes or so we can make all the sbahj references we want  
TG: but at the moment im gonna steal a dead body from some sick nasty powerful guard dogs  
TG: because to be honest  
TG: nothing else matters to me right now  
TT: It’s cool.  
TT: I think I can understand.  
TG: yeah  
TG: in a while we can spin all the sick rhymes and ill beats we want  
TG: because i know shell be there  
TT: Yeah, I’ll contact you again in a few.  
TT: Don’t get yourself killed.  
TG: you too dirk

timaeusTestified ceased pestering turntechGodhead.

Sighing, you close your Pesterchum window and sheathe your blade within your Strife Deck, hoping to be as aerodynamic as possible. You still have a long way to go before you get anywhere near Dave, but if he’s anything like you, he’ll probably do something idiotic and put himself in danger. You hope it doesn’t come to that.

====> Aranea: Weigh Your Options

You are now Aranea Serket, and your options are limited.

Your movements are restricted by the sleeping human on your back. She is unaware of how she pins down all of your limbs, content to sleep undisturbed while producing a steady stream of mechanical snoring. It would be no problem for you to borrow Damara’s telekinesis and run her through with the discarded sword lying near you, but a new factor needs consideration. A massive red battleship hangs in the dark sky above, and a shape glowing red, blue and yellow slowly descends towards you. It appears that Her Imperious Condescension has decided to take matters into her own hands.

And to think everything was going to plan. It was hard to believe just how powerful Jake was, but attempting to manipulate such power did not come without risks. Despite your knowledge of the Hope Aspect, you couldn’t anticipate Jake unconsciously manifesting a projection of Dirk Strider, nor could you defend yourself from the Prince of Heart’s attempt to rip out your soul. You also didn’t anticipate that the Her Condescension could control the Maid of Life’s movements even while she was asleep, and now her personal intervention adds to the unpleasant surprises you’ve encountered from enacting your plan. Assuming that you can successfully get out of this situation unscathed, there will no further miscalculations, nor will there be any more nasty surprises. There will no longer be a single risk to your plan that you will not predict and account for.

The Alternian Empress hovers roughly ten meters above you, red and blue sparks crackling between her eyes, testament of the psionic power borrowed from the Helmsman. Of all her numerous abilities, the psionics will prove most problematic. You are confident in her ability to fight her; after all, you cannot die, but the protection of the Ring of Life will mean nothing she decides to blow off your right arm, or if she wants to completely atomise you. But nevertheless, you are a Sylph of Light, and you have been honing your craft for longer than this universe has existed. You knew you would come to blows with someone eventually, and that you would defeat them quickly and decisively.

“well aint this a surprise”, the Empress says with a chuckle, “i never expected to sea another troll this soon"  
"It’s my pleasure, Your Condescension,” you reply diplomatically, “8ut unfortun8ly...this is neither the time nor the place to 8e discussing pleasantries.”  
“for shore”, she replies “but first ya betta let ma lil heiress wake the fuck up” You have few other options but to concede. After all, what do you have to lose? You focus your will, reach into the mind of the girl on your back, and pull away the haze of slumber that you inflicted. The droning snore ceases, and she blinks rapidly as her red and black eyes come into focus. Upon realising where she is, she immediately jumps off of you, nearly knocking you over, landing on one knee and bowing her head.  
“Your Condescension,” she exclaims, “I’m afraid I’ve fallen asleep while on duty. I am gravely sorry, and I am prepared to accept any punishment you deem necessary.”  
“gurl dont sweat it”, the Condesce reassures her, “i just wanna full report”  
“Of course, Your Majesty,” the Maid of Life complies, rising to her feet, “The situation began only a few minutes ago, when Jake English began powering up to an unauthorised level, no doubt under the instigation of this troll here,” as she speaks, she gestures towards you. “When interrogated she made clear her intentions to dismantle your glorious Empire. In order to stop Jake from destroying any more Imperial property, Jade teleported us to her planet, but was incapacitated by English’s hope aura. It was at this point that this criminal took advantage of her vulnerability and killed her.”  
“did she now”, the Condesce asks, shooting you a menacing glare, “kay so why havent ya done that rezzy thing yet”  
“Now that’s where I feel I must apologise,” Jane continues, “Before I could revive Jade, her corpse was stolen by two prototyped agents from a foreign Session. Until she could be retrieved, I prioritised neutralising Jake and apprehending the culprit.”  
“interestin”, the Empress says as she raises an eyebrow, “so hows about you go get her”  
“My liege!” the heiress gasps, her face now aghast, “Those agents each possess power on par with a First Guardian. To attempt to recover Harley’s body now would be tantamount to...”  
“yeah but im shore you can handle it”, the Condesce interrupts, giving off a deceptively sweet smile, “you go and fetch ma little guppy and ill deal with this beach myself”  
Jane, still obviously shocked by the order, sets her mouth in a grim line, nods and jumps upwards, flying towards the horizon. Now is your chance. Steeling your mind, you tap into Damara’s telekinetic power. You focus on the blade on the floor, grip it with your mind, and send it flying towards the back of her head. When you’re absolutely the sure that the sword is going to find its mark, a flash of purple obscures your vision and the weapon is deflected. Crackling with blue and red electricity, the weapon careens into the abyss, beyond your sight. Her Condescension descends closer to you, her eyes giving the same two-toned sparks and her face set a livid scowl. “that was a bad decision”, she says, her voice completely devoid of its previous joviality.  
“I don’t see what the 8ig pro8lem is,” you retort, shrugging your shoulders, “You did just send her to certain death.”  
“maybe i did”, she scoffs, “but at least i got the authority”  
“Well, you are the Empress, after all,” you observe, performing a mocking curtsey, “8ut still, I removed one thorn from my side, and I don’t want it 8ack.”  
“thats enough flounderin around”, she cuts in, with all the authority you would expect from the most powerful woman in the galaxy, “just who are you anyway”  
“I dou8t that you would truly understand my origins,” you begin, “8ut you may refer to me as Mindfang.”  
“oh shore yer mindfang”, she says humourlessly, “you and every other cerulean blood gill as a wiggler”  
“8ut I would prefer if you did call me that,” you interject.  
“nope”, she mumbles dismissively.  
“Honestly,” you sigh, “In all timelines, in all universes, you’re always so o8tuse, Meenah.” The Condesce’s reaction is immediate. Her trademark condescending smirk disappears completely, her eyes wide open in disbelief. You hear a thunderous, booming noise, your vision blinded by a flash of purple, and suddenly she is right in front of you, her face centimetres from yours. The tip of her trident barely pokes at your throat, cobalt and crimson lightning arcing between her fingertips, and her serrated fangs exposed in an indignant snarl.  
“now let me be absolutely clear”, she spits, in no mood for any more nonsense, “no one and i mean NO ON---E calls me by that name”, the sharp point of the trident digs into your neck, drawing your blue blood, “so lemme ask ya one more time and i expect a real fuckin answer”, and now her brow is pressing against yours, red and blue flames emanating from her furious eyes, “W)(O T)(--E FUCK AR---E YOU?”  
“Let me 8egin 8y clarifying something first,” you explain. There’s no point in hiding it now, “You are an “employee” of Lord English, correct?”  
“yeah”, she whispers, eyes narrowing as their binary glow intensifies, “you could say that”  
“I’ll make the assumption that you have 8een in his employment long enough to understand what a Scratch is,” you begin, wasting no time in your explanation. You casually pull the golden fork away from your neck, the wound already healed, turn around and begin to pace around the tower slowly. After eight steps, you glance at her, and it seems as though she understands. “You may or may not 8e aware that your n8tive universe was the product of such a Scratch. My colleagues and I were the ones who caused this event. My name is Aranea Serket, and to put things in their most 8asic terms, I’m essentially a version of the Mindfang you are familiar with from an altern8 universe.”  
“if thats the case”, the Condesce interrupts, “then you should be dead”  
“True enough,” you continue, “In fact, I have 8een dead for 8illions of sweeps, and while my colleagues have watched Alternia 8eing 8orn, I have spent that time perfecting my a8ilities, and when the time was right, I found a way to return to the realm of the living; and that 8rings me to my purpose here.  
“You see, I am here to 8ring a8out the destruction of the Lord of Time. In order to do so, I plan to set into motion events that will doom this timeline. Having reached my full potential as a Sylph of Light, I am confident that I can heal the timeline to the extent that it will usurp the Alpha Timeline, rendering English as mortal as we are. Of course, that’s a moot point since we’re 8oth immortal. I guess he’ll just 8e less immortal than he was 8efore.”  
“less immortal than before”, the Condesce asks incredulously, eyebrow raised, “thats dumb”  
“Perhaps,” you shrug, “Unfortun8ly, in order for my plan to 8ear fruit, you will have to die.”  
“but sadly im not gonna”, she taunts, “and thats if that plan a yers stands a lowbloods chance in a subjugglators mirthful moshpit a workin out”  
“To 8e perfectly honest,” you confess, “I 8elieve my plan stands a very good chance of toppling the tyranny of the Alpha timeline.”  
“ya might make a few waves but ya cant fight the current”, she observes in a chastising tone, “no matter how much a ma shit you fuck up the end result will be the same”  
“8ut surely, a long dead spirit returning to the material realm to light the flame of Hope would 8e 8eyond any pro8a8ility?” you ask, “The Page of Hope is the key to my plan, and he will not 8e anticip8ed.”  
“even if ya somehow scupper old cal ya really think itll end there”, she asks, “this shit goes deeper than you can begin to fathom”  
“Then I will formul8 a new plan,” you reply, “I will not only destroy English, 8ut also every cosmic force that allowed his cre8tion, even if I must destroy and recreate existence in my own image. I will not rest until that is the case, and when I succeed, I will 8e 8eloved and feared 8y every sentient mind in Paradox Space.”  
“sounds swell”, she chuckles, “ya know id be all for it but i know its hopeless”  
You consider the Condesce for a moment and finally you make a suggestion, “You know, I 8elieve that we may have common ground. I’ll need every 8it of assistance in executing my plan, and with your resources, my intellect and our mutual h8red of your employer, we might 8e a8le to succeed.”  
The Empress rests her chin in her hand, furrowing her brow in thought. After about a minute, she shoots you with a malicious glare, “you shoulda thought a that before you made yerself my enemy”  
“Now why would you consider me your enemy?” you ask.  
“ya destroyed my property and krilled one a ma gills”, she snaps, “aint nobody but me does that”. The dichromatic glow returns to her eyes and spreads across her body. “and now ya wanna be in cahoots as soon as its convenient”, she says flatly as she ascends, “forgive me if i dont bite”  
“So that’s your answer?” you ask. She has floated up to a position where she can look down on you, and she glares with contempt. “I had hoped that you would see reason,” you sigh, “8ut unfortun8ly, not everything goes smoothly in even the most meticulous of plans.”  
“look on the bright side”, The Condesce chimes, her trademark smirk returning as she points at something in the distance, “ya might have some help over there”

Wondering what she could mean, you peer over the edge she points at, your Vision Eightfold enhancing your view. Flying towards you, you can see the pale yellow of Jake’s God Tier robes, and as he comes close, you can see the brief outlines of Pyrope and Maryam. You scowl as you take in the sight. This was the last thing you needed. The Empress takes note of your sour face and chuckles. “tell em that big plan a yers and sea if theyll give ya a hand”, she says, delighted at how sarcastic she must sound. “if they do thats good for ya but if they dont...” She continues to ascend, closer towards the battleship, but never taking her fuchsia eyes off the tower. Even from this distance, she can look you in the eye, and deliver a wicked grin exposing her many fangs.

“its been too long since i watched lowbloods kill each other”

====> Terezi: Discuss Your Findings

gallowsCalibrator [GC] opened memo on board “JUST1C3 MUST B3 DON3”.

GC: L3T M3 B3G1N BY 3XPL41N1NG WHY TH1S M3MO 1S N3C3SS4RY  
GC: W3 4R3 3N ROUT3 TO TH3 LOC4T1ON OF TH3 CULPR1T B3H1ND TH1S CR1M3  
GC: ON3 4R4N34 S3RK3T  
GC: 1 WOULD L1K3 TO D1SCUSS OUR 3V1D3NC3 4ND OUR PL4N OF 4CT1ON  
GC: 4NY QU3ST1ONS?

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] responded to memo.

GA: Yes  
GA: I Just Wanted To Clarify Something First  
GA: What Makes You So Certain That Aranea Is Planning Something Foul  
GC: R3M3MB3R HOW 1 W4S GO1NG DOWN 4 SP1R4L OF D3PR3SS1ON B3C4US3 OF MY K1SM3S1S1TUD3 W1TH G4MZ33 TH4T DROV3 M3 TO 4SK 4R4N34 TO H34L MY 3Y3S?  
GC: W1TH MY S1GHT R3STOR3D, MY 4B1L1TY TO SM3LL 4ND T4ST3 TH3 TH1NGS NORM4L P3OPL3 C4NNOT S33 W4S S3V3R3LY COMPROM1S3D  
GC: 4ND NOW M4K4R4 1S UP TO H1S USU4L C4PR1C1OUS 4NT1CS, 4ND 1 C4N SM3LL H3R ON TH4T TOW3R  
GC: TH1S 1S NO CO1NC1D3NC3, 1 C4N SURM1S3 TH4T MUCH  
GA: I Dont Know Terezi  
GA: There Was Another Cerulean Blood Of Whom You Were Absolutely Certain Of Their Criminality  
GC: PL34S3, K4N4Y4  
GC: PL34S3 DONT GO TH3R3  
GA: Im Sorry I Shouldnt Have Brought That Up  
GA: That Still Leaves The Question Of How Shes Alive  
GC: TH4T’S WH4T 1 1NT3ND TO F1ND OUT

golgothasTerror [GT] responded to memo.

GT: Might i interject and remind you all that i have no inkling as to what the fuck is going on?  
GT: Why do you all think aranea is evil all of a sudden?  
GT: Who are you people?  
GT: That ridiculous cod piece is a sword now what the bloody hell?  
GT: What the fuck?

tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo.

TT: Calm down, Jake.  
TT: All of your questions will be answered in due time.  
GT: How can i stay calm ms lalonde?  
GT: So much is happening and i cant keep up!  
TT: Jake.  
TT: It’s fine.  
TT: You can trust us.  
TT: Take a few deep breaths.  
GT: Okay.  
GT: I think im good now.  
GC: GR34T  
GC: COULD YOU T3LL US HOW B3C4ME 4SSOC14T3D W1TH 4R4N34?  
GT: Oh it was months ago now.  
GT: She came to me in a dream.  
GT: And she told me that i would be able to defeat this invincible demon guy.  
GA: You Mean Lord English  
GA: Is That Possible  
GA: Can You Really Do That  
GT: I dont know but aranea seems to think so.  
TT: That’s a definite possibility.  
TT: You were radiating an incredible amount of power earlier.  
GC: 1 4LSO SM3LT TH3 1NCR3D1BL3 ODOUR OF TH4T V4N1LL4 SPH3R3  
GC: JUST WH4T W4S TH4T?  
GT: I dont know i was in some kind of trance for a while.  
GT: The last thing i remember was aranea visiting me.  
GC: WH4T H4PP3N3D?  
GT: She told me that she was alive and that she could help me reach my true potential.  
GT: Then she tried to kiss me!  
GT: But failing that she opted to heal my brain and i cant remember anything after that.  
GC: 1NT3R3ST1NG  
GC: BUT TH4T ST1LL L34V3S THE QU3ST1ON OF HOW SH3 C4M3 B4CK TO L1FE  
GT: Im afraid i cant help you there.  
GC: TH4TS F1N3, J4K3  
GC: YOU W3R3 V3RY H3LPFUL  
GT: Thanks.  
GT: I also have a minor unrelated question.  
GT: WHAT THE DICKY DEVILLED CHRIST WAS THAT CODPIECE BLADE THING?  
GT: I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK?  
TT: I have to admit, I’m also a little curious.  
TT: I’d also like to know how he turned that bulging monstrosity into a monstrosity of a different sort.  
TT: If you aren’t just as confused as Jake.  
GC: 1 DO KNOW TH4T 1TS C4LL3D TH3 H1GHBLOODS CULL1NG BL4D3  
GC: 1 D1D 3NOUGH FL4RP1NG TO KNOW ABOUT SOM3 OF TH3 L3G3ND4RY W34PONS.  
GC: 4LL 1 KNOW 1S TH4T 1TS 4 FUCK1NG HUG3 SWORD TH4T W4S SUPPOS3DLY W13LD3D BY TH3 GR4ND H1GHBLOOD H1MS3LF  
GC: HOW H3 GOT H1S H4NDS ON 1T 1S 4NYON3S GU3SS  
GA: Plus The Transformation Was Most Likely A Result Of Object And Weapon Duality Like My Lipstick  
GT: The grand who?  
GA: Okay Let Me Explain  
GA: You Heard Gamzee When He Was Ranting About His Mirthful Messiahs And His Motherfucking Miracles  
GT: Yes?  
GT: He also mentioned something about being the last subjugglator. Whatever that means.  
TT: I can help clarify that.  
TT: The Subjugglators were a clandestine cult who acted as the administrators of the Alternian Empire, mainly by terrorising and oppressing the populace.  
TT: The Grand Highblood is the title given to their leader, but when a troll refers to THE Grand Highblood, they’re usually referring to Kurloz Makara, who held the title roughly 4000 years ago.  
GA: His 420 Sweeps Of Tenure Were Some Of The Bloodiest Alternia Had Ever Known  
GA: And Thats Saying Something  
GT: Makara?  
GT: But thats...  
GC: G4MZ33S N4M3?  
GC: TH4TS B3C4US3 TH3 GR4ND H1GHBLOOD 1S H1S 4NC3STOR  
GT: Oh dear...  
GC: 1TS FUNNY, R34LLY  
GC: D3SP1T3 H1S BLOOD C4ST3 4ND H1S B3L13FS, W3 N3V3R THOUGHT TH4T H3 WOULD H4V3 4NY R3L4T1ON TO _TH4T_ M4K4R4  
GC: 1 DONT TH1NK 3V3N H3 B3L13V3D 1T  
GC: 4T L34ST NOT UNT1L TH4T D4Y...  
GC: 1TS 1RON1C TH4T TH3 S33R C4N ONLY S33 CL34RLY 1N H1NDS1GHT  
GC: BUT W3R3 G3TT1NG OFF TOP1C  
GC: W3 N33D TO FOCUS ON 4R4N34  
GA: Quite Frankly Im Not Sure We Can Cover Much More Ground Regarding Her  
GA: At Least Not Until We Acquire More Information  
TT: Jade’s tower is just up ahead.  
TT: It appears that we’ll be able to ask her ourselves.  
GC: SO TH1S L34DS TO 4 P3RSON4L 1NT3RROG4T1ON OF TH3 SUSP3CT?  
GC: 1 WOULDNT H4V3 1T 4NY OTH3R W4Y

gallowsCalibrator closed memo.

As you make your final approach to the tower, Jake lowers you gently onto the marble floor. Your wounds protest in agony, but you keep standing. A true legislacerator stands tall, no matter the circumstance. Across the tower, you find yourself staring into the eight pupils of Aranea Serket, her face set in a contemptuous sneer. You will take her statement, weigh the evidence, and by the end of this day, you will see retribution for the injustices wrought upon you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After much finagling, I present to you An End To All Things Chapter III. Hopefully, you haven't been disappointed.
> 
> Though this chapter has been lots of talking, exposition and ship-teasing, the next chapter will be more action packed, if I can find time to work on it between uni assignments.
> 
> And finally, yes, I am going by the assumption that the Ancestors had the same names as their pre-Scratch equivalents. The history books couldn't call him "the Grand Highblood" all the time, and Rose probably knew some of the stuff from what Karkat and Kanaya told her during the the trip.
> 
> I'll leave it there, and hopefully, you'll be excited for Chapter IV. See you shortly.


End file.
